Saturday, April 28, 2012

when it's time to say goodbyee ..

Because we might not see each other again next time , we exchanged our things and yea, we did a little art here.
front view
at the back

I gave my roommates my BajuKurung, all the nicest one, all are the Baju Kurung that I adored very much. People said, to give anyone a thing, give them the very best one that you like, ritee ? Lucky Eva, she got the outfit that I really adored the most ! yea, I've planned not to wear that outfit anymore after receiving a compliment that I look like a bride in that outfit.

this is the outfit. 
I don't like being in the centre of attraction when wearing this outfit, I don't feel comfortable that I willingly gave her, plus she's the only one have my size. 

I also got a shirt from Eva and Ain and a souvenier from Aida. Thanx you guys, I'll always remember you all, okay :)

Thursday, April 26, 2012

When your life like a hell ..


related song to this entry.
Do you ever feel out of place ?
Like somehow you just don't belong and no one understands you.
No you don't know what it's like.
When nothing feels alright, you don't know what it's like,
to be like me.

 For the past 1 month in KMS, I can tell that I've been through a tough time, can I say it's like a hell ?
Without having someone close to me to support me through thick and thin +.+

For someone who never been far away from her own family, and always been treated like a princess at home, this is like a torturing.

It was all began with the problem I faced with my roommates. Well, I can't considered it as a problem after all, they are all being nice to me, it was just a feeling of being ignored or isolated during a-happy-moment-time, it could be due to the different program I took and also because I never showed up my true color in front of them.

Then I started to run away from them, when they found out about my feeling from this stupid blog, I was afraid that our relationship might be awkward, that I took decision to always go to my friend's room.

 There was a day I went to my old friend's room, she always nice to me. Her soft character make me believed to spend my time there. Before coming to her place, just one weeks before, I already asked her permission to have her free time so that I wont disturbed her study time as she is in PST programme.

I probably spent for a very long hours at her place that all of sudden she blown her own tantrums. I never ever imagined herself being in that way.

She started to humiliated me in front of her roommate by telling the truth how my present there have make herself uncomfortable and disturbed her study time. She knew I was having a hard time with my roommates that she some kind gave me a shout " How long you wanna run away like this ?! Go back to your own place lah " actually she said in Malay " Berapa lame kau nak macamni ?! pergi laa balek bilik kau! "

I could tell that my heart beat stop for a second, did I misheard it ? Was it the real her talking like that ?
I tried to calm her down although deep inside me I could feel a very great shocked and yess, the heart feel like some kind of the old pain.

How she bacame in a way like that ? How can you imagine for someone who always help you out and always in her soft character blown her tantrum to you ?
It was like you're really have made a very big mistake that can turn herself in that way.

I told her that I was about to go back to my room, and as I reached my room, put all things off, and pretended to go to toilet, I ran away up to the 4th floor, inside the wash room, as there were nobody stayed at the 4th floor, I started burst into cry. I cried hardly, let out all the pain inside me, and yess I could tell that I really need someone to hug to ; my mum. I missed her badly, why do we always remembered them during such unpleasure time ? How sux our deed towards them..

I just wish that all of this shit will be over as my final exam just around the corner when suddenly I had the crisis with my classmates ; there were 3 of them who always been close to each other.

I could hardly believe my own classmates would throw out such a bad words to me at FB, letting others know, to have peoples approved her status by liking it, although she didn't mention my name, but of course if you've known the status is specially for you, you'll feel the kicking and slapping that all the commenters volunteered to do to give you lesson. The worst when your friend gave you a nickname to represent your bad behaviour, yes, I've been called as ' mulut longkang'.

Wanna know why ? because that STUPID-NONSENSE-SHIT-ANNUAL DINNER for PDT pffffffftt !
I know, I should be blame because of trying to persuade others to not go to that stupid dinner for the unreasonable price and uninteresting place.

And I was enjoyed making fun of it and sometimes I wanna make it as debate, why should we go to, if we can get free nasi beriyani or nasi minyak at Kenduri ?

I already asked for apology from my classmate.

yes, these are the hardest time for me, I've been messing around with my old friend, roommates and classmates, how great is that sounds to you, huh ? And I got no one to tell to. No one to cry to that I seek Him in my pray.

the only One who make me stronger now is Him, my Allah SWT.
the One who tested me for these and make me stronger than before.
Alhamdulillah for all the obstacles and problems that you've successfully going through.

Thursday, April 5, 2012

Mei Chan No Shitsuji

sape yang da pernah tengok cerita drama Jepun ni ?
Drama Jepun advantage dia siri-siri nya kurang, macam 9-10 episode je. 
Kalau Korea paling common pon 15-16 episodes.
Kalau Indonesia tak yah cakap lahh, lebih 500 episodes kott -.-"

And yang pasti cerita ni adaptasi daripada anime-anime or buku-buku komik, macam Conan jugak.

Cerita ni best gak la, sebab jalan ceritanya yang melampau.

Kisah tentang butlers. Butler ni macam pembantu la, pembantu peribadi.
Zaman Inggeris lelame dulu ade la aku dengar pakai butler ni, sekarang ni wujud lagi ke ? Taktau ah.
Pernah tengok cerita ' My Fair Lady' ? pon gune watak butler jugak, CERITA TU PON BEST !
My Fair Lady original versi Inggeris lakonan Audrey Hepburn.
Versi korea pon ada, tu yang latest la, tengok la zaman Audrey Hepburn bile kan..


Haa, ni la hero + heroin nyaa.. 
Perempuan tu ( lupa ah name dia -.- ) dapat offer masok sekolah perempuan St. Lucia Academy yang menempatkan sekolah orang-orang bangsawan ( perempuan je ) and wajib ada butler bersama untuk mengiring ke mana saja. And duty butler-butler tu sangatlah melampau, sampai nak baca buku kena tolong selakkan, rambut kena tiup angin kena sikatkan, jalan atas tempat berair kena angkatkan   -,- 
agak melampau ah. ( sesuai nak lahirkan orang-orang pemalas tahap 5 )
Tapi tu yang kelaka tu, that's why aku nonstop tengok.
Then setiap orang ada level masing-masing, macam kalau baru masuk dikira pangkat sebagai 'Ombra'. Nak naik pangkat kena kumpul kan mata melalui peningkatan prestasi diri and so on.
And setiap level tu mempengaruhi tempat tinggal jugak.
Kalau Ombra tu pangkat paling rendah, jadi tempat tinggal agak kesian ah. 

Itu baru cerita pasal pelajar perempuan yang masok academy tu, kalau Butler nye pulak, setiap butler tu ade rank masing-masing. Rank paling tinggi S-rank, aku pon tatau nape. 
Yang hero nye tu of coz ah rank yang paling tinggi. Ramai perempuan bangsawan nak kan dia sebagai butler, tapi dia selalu refuse, and dia belum pernah serve mane-mane ladies lagi, and Heroin tu la yang the 1st one.

Soo, bila heroin tu da masok academy tu, macam-macam ah jadik kat dia. Konflik yang cube ditimbulkan agak menarik la, tak bosan tengok.

Cerita ni penuh misteri gak la, thats why aku suka.
Ceritanya ada 10 episodes je, tapi aku tak abeh tengok lagi cause aku dalam minggu final.

sampai sini je.

Sunday, April 1, 2012

My dear Roommates, I'm truly sorry


to all my dearest roommates,
  Ain, Aida and Eva,

Aku mintak maaf sangat buat korang rase bersalah. Aku mintak maaf atas rasa cemburu ni. Aku mintak maaf sangat atas rasa kecik hati yang tak sengaja diundang. Aku mintak maaf dah buat perkara kecik jadi besar and aku mintak maaf dah buat silaturrahim yang terjalin ni jadi awkward.

let me begin punca nye,
dalam my past entry :
kadang rase macam sympathric speciation, population yang duduk dalam 1 tempat tapi berlainan species, tak diendah oleh species lain, mereka dengan species masing-masing je.

Aku terkejut secepat tu korang bace blog aku and dapat tahu, aku rase macam nak gugur jantung ni bila korang terasa even aku tak mention pon aku cerita tentang roommates aku. 

Pagi tu, dekat pukul 2 pagi, aku tak expect korang akan bincang mengenai perasaan aku and to tell the truth, I'm not really good in telling the truth of my feeling, sorry guys. Pagi tu memang banyak yang aku sorok walaupun Eva dah desak gegile. Hehe, kalau korang, korang mampu ke nak confess face to face cakap, " ye, aku terasa. " 
maybe korang berani, AKU TAKK. tahu, aku pengecut.

Bila aku fikir balek, aku tak patot ade timbul rase tersisih or kecik hati, sebab dari awal lagi aku tak pernah nak join korang sangat kan ? and semuanya, SALAH AKU SENDIRI, aku sedar.
dari awal masuk matriks ni, since masok jadi budak 2nd intake, dah laaame timbul perasaan rendah diri sebagai budak 2nd intake, that's why aku tak banyak involve diri dengan korang.
that's 1 of the reason kenapa aku mintak turun jadik PDT. -rendah diri or lebih tepat lagi kurang keyakinan diri.

" You perasan tak Dila, you lebih suke bercakap pada Ain berbanding I dengan Aida ?" 
point yang betul aku rasa Eva cakap " maybe sebab strong personality yang Aida and I ade so you pon tak boleh nak tunjuk your true self "  bila aku beritahu diri aku yang sebenar saaaangat berbeza bila di bilik and bila di kelas.

haha, ye kot. 

kalau Aida and Ain perasan, aku lebih banyak jurang terhadap Eva kot. maybe sebab personality dia yang tripple strongest. LOL

Aku mintak maaf, Ain Aida Eva. Jangan rasa bersalah lagi okay.